If you’re looking for a good laugh then look no further as we have got you covered! Here is a good list of some of the funniest quotes to make you laugh out loud.
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” – Abraham Lincoln
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” – Abraham Lincoln
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” – Alan Dundes
“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein
“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” – Alexander Woollcott
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Bierce
“It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney
“At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.” – Ann Landers
“Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.” – Anton Chekhov
“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” – Arthur C. Clarke
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”– Benny Hill
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch
“Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” – Bertrand Russell
“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” – Bertrand Russell
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.” – Betty White
“Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.” – Bill Maher
“If there is anything the nonconformist hates worse than a conformist, it’s another nonconformist who doesn’t conform to the prevailing standard of nonconformity.” – Bill Vaughan
“Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.” – Bill Vaughan
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